The Really Sh*te Excuses Thread

Discussion in 'Mainstream News Stories' started by OneWingedBird, Sep 10, 2008.

  1. Frideswide

    Frideswide Princess (PeteByrdie Certificated)

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    I don't understand why there seems to be only a fine?
     
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  2. Swifty

    Swifty Generation Y

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    I'm amazed that he didn't get his head kicked in at the scene of the crime ..

    We've all been there Frideswide .. you've had a tough day, a 5 day old baby girl looks at you the wrong way ....
     
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  3. rynner2

    rynner2 Great Old One

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    Drugged-up Driver Mathew Braddon from Saltash blames tracksuit bottoms for crash
    By CMJohannaCarr | Posted: December 23, 2016

    A drugged-up driver from Cornwall who crashed into a block of flats blamed his tracksuit bottoms for the carnage he caused.
    Mathew Braddon, aged 28, of Briansway, Saltash had smoked cannabis but said his "trackies" made him drive a Ford Focus into two parked cars and a building in Plymouth.

    Eight residents in St Levan Road had to be rehomed overnight amid fears the block was no longer stable, a court heard.
    The busy street was also closed as emergency services dealt with the accident in October last year.

    Braddon denied driving while unfit through drugs and without due care and attention but he was convicted at a trial in his absence by Plymouth magistrates in May.
    He appealed his conviction to the Crown Court but failed to show up.
    A judge, sitting with two magistrates fresh to the case, reviewed the evidence and threw out the case.
    Braddon is left with the original fine and driving ban and now must pay an additional £420 for the appeal. :evil:

    Nick Lewin, for the Crown Prosecution Service, read a transcript of the interview Braddon gave police the day after the crash on October 7 last year.

    Braddon said: "My trackies were twisted underneath me. I sorted my trackies out and as I have done so, I have veered to the left."
    Braddon admitted he had smoked cannabis before the accident and failed a roadside impairment test.

    The court heard he had just over what is now the legal limit for cannabis in his blood five hours after the crash – though the legislation was not then in place.
    Braddon told the police: "Just because you have cannabis in your blood, it does not mean you are stoned."

    etc...

    http://www.cornwalllive.com/drugged...ms-for-crash/story-30006035-detail/story.html

    It was the wrong trousers, Grommit! :p
     
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  4. JamesWhitehead

    JamesWhitehead Piffle Prospector

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    "I sorted my trackies out and as I have done so, I have veered to the left."

    It is hard to miss which side lads veer to when wearing these horridly revealing garments! :eek:
     
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  5. OneWingedBird

    OneWingedBird Beloved of Ra

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    I used to know a guy who claimed to be a company director, sounded great until you figured out it was his own company which had no employees, no contracts and no business. So essentially, well, imaginary. I think he might have lived with his mum too.
     
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  6. Mythopoeika

    Mythopoeika I am a meat popsicle

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    Hmmm. That sounds a bit like me, when I was self-employed for a while. I was director of my own one-man technical writing company for almost 2 years. Had some business, then business dried up.
     
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  7. EnolaGaia

    EnolaGaia I knew the job was dangerous when I took it ...

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    Similar story here ...

    I'm the self-titled 'principal' in my one-man consulting firm, a registered federal supplier / contractor enterprise. This is the latest phase of a working life 'ephemeralization' process that dates back to the end of the last century.

    First I transitioned from a full-time on-site employee of a major corporation to a full-time employee authorized to be a part-time telecommuter. Later I became an authorized 100% telecommuter, as the work stream dropped to part-time. After being laid off during a work drought, it became apparent I wouldn't be re-hired with the all-important benefits on a part-time basis, and the end clients let it be known they wanted me to remain in the mix. So I set up an LLC configured as a sole proprietorship.

    Compared with the point at which this progression began, I'm still working with the same colleagues, on the same extended series of projects, for the same customers / clients, and receiving the same or even more income. I'm now closing out my 3rd full tax year under this latest arrangement, and I'm contracted to continue into 2018.

    An increasing number of professionals (particularly technically-skilled senior workers) are following similar paths from corporate employment to flexible self-employment, and for federal contracting you need at least a minimally documented 'company' (however ephemeral itself) as your personal storefront.

    I suspect this trend will continue, and a lot more individuals will be able to at least technically claim to be executives, albeit of micro-enterprises no larger than themselves.
     
  8. jimv1

    jimv1 Analogue Boy

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    But you can have business cards printed that list another string to your enterprise as 'Lion Tamer'.
    There is that.
     
  9. EnolaGaia

    EnolaGaia I knew the job was dangerous when I took it ...

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    True - provided your situation is one in which marketing is necessary, and your target audience isn't put off by tangential frivolities.

    Neither of these factors is in play in my current situation. I'm hugely thankful for not having to market myself, and I'm quite comfortable with not advertising my wicked sense of humor 'up front'.
     
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  10. Red Steel

    Red Steel Junior Acolyte

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    Is cocaine kosher?
     
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  11. Frideswide

    Frideswide Princess (PeteByrdie Certificated)

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    dunno :) but I really like your avatar!
     
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  12. Swifty

    Swifty Generation Y

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    Her rabbit Bobbie died, she was give a week off work ... I can only assume they hate 'Dave', that other manager for her to have pulled this skive off .. misunderstanding my arse .. funny though when you get to the punchline ..

     
    Last edited: Dec 26, 2016
  13. rynner2

    rynner2 Great Old One

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    Motorist claims dog ate his glasses after driving dangerously from Hayle to Chiverton Cross
    Peter Johnstone, Reporter

    A Penzance pensioner caught driving erratically with full beam headlights and forcing other motorists to swerve told magistrates his dog ate his glasses and he had a bad cough.
    Ian John Maclaren, 74, of Penmere Road, pleaded guilty at Truro Magistrates' Court to dangerous driving, having been reported to the police by a concerned member of the public who followed him.

    Magistrates heard that although he should have been wearing his distance glasses to drive, he was not doing so as his dog had eaten them. His car’s steering could also have been affected because the vehicle was overloaded with hundreds of telephone books in the boot.

    McLaren, who had no previous convictions, was given an eight week prison sentence suspended for a year and banned from driving for two years and until he passes an extended driving test. He had to pay £200 in costs and charges.

    etc...

    http://www.falmouthpacket.co.uk/new...rously_from_Hayle_to_Chiverton_Cross/?ref=rss
     
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  14. JamesWhitehead

    JamesWhitehead Piffle Prospector

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    This sorry story is over six months old but we seem to have missed it at the time.

    Ghosts Told Man to Cut Off His Daughter's Ears.

    His daughter is also his niece.

    "Little Bina is actually his brother’s daughter. When his brother died a few years ago, Bahadur married his sister-in-law Babita - the girl’s mother."

    So that's all right then. :(
     
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  15. henry

    henry still speeding

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    "uncle dad"
     
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  16. Mythopoeika

    Mythopoeika I am a meat popsicle

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  17. Cochise

    Cochise Justified & Ancient

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    Sorry, just spotted a line in this which no-one seems to have noticed "His car’s steering could also have been affected because the vehicle was overloaded with hundreds of telephone books in the boot" WTF?
     
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  18. ramonmercado

    ramonmercado CyberPunk

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  19. EnolaGaia

    EnolaGaia I knew the job was dangerous when I took it ...

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    Here's a timely warning for you folks in the UK ... :btime:

    FULL STORY: https://www.reuters.com/article/us-...for-filing-your-tax-return-late-idUSKBN1F61QS
     
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  20. Spookdaddy

    Spookdaddy Cuckoo

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    I'm afraid that when a guy I was working with over the summer mumbled to me one morning that his dog had eaten his teeth my response was to all but piss myself laughing.

    However, apparently, it's not that uncommon. The dog sees you put something regularly in your mouth, assumes it's food, and then snaffles the morsel when the opportunity arises.

    So, I'm wondering if this driver had the not uncommon habit of, when circumstances required that he temporarily remove them, holding his spectacles by gripping one of the arms with his teeth. In which case, it might not be as surreal an excuse as it at first sounds.
     
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  21. jimv1

    jimv1 Analogue Boy

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    Worth a go.
    Sorry, I can’t come to work cos I’m a God now.

     
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  22. JamesWhitehead

    JamesWhitehead Piffle Prospector

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    Gods work in mysterious ways! :atom:
     
  23. ramonmercado

    ramonmercado CyberPunk

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    That's a good one. Do you send your Fortean Stories to FT magazine? sieveking@forteantimes.com

    Become a Special Correspondent!
     
  24. EnolaGaia

    EnolaGaia I knew the job was dangerous when I took it ...

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    I'm not sure how drunk you have to be to think it's wise to use the excuse this guy offered police ... :roll:

    SOURCE: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/drunk/vero-beach-jim-beam-285073
     
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2018
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