Smurl Poltergeist

Discussion in 'Ghosts - Poltergeists & Entities' started by Mighty_Emperor, Jan 29, 2004.

  1. Mighty_Emperor

    Mighty_Emperor Justified and Ancient

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    Anyone got more information on this?

    http://www.guardiantales.freewebspace.com/C-Smurl.html

    They link to a source for this:

    http://www.maxpages.com/mapit/THE_SMURL_POLTERGEIST_CASE

    but be warned they aren't joking about the popups ;)

    Emps
     
  2. TheOrigDesperado

    TheOrigDesperado Great Old One

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    I have the book, "The Haunting" I think it's called. Impossible to guess how much of it is true (probably none) but it's entertaining nevertheless.
     
  3. MagusPerde

    MagusPerde Phantom

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    the Haunting

    The Haunting is a hilarious book. Obviously, I don't buy it. But I find it very entertaining. Just the other night, I saw the movie! I'd never known it existed 'til it came on TV. The movie is just plain horrible. Really bad acting. Which still makes it kinda funny though.

    Anyway, back to the book: nothing beats the passages about the succubus! Great stuff. Oh, those wacky Warrens!
     
  4. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    But surely we've all woken to find ourselves doing "the bad thing" with a beautiful woman who we can tell is eeeevil because she is bright green and scaly with funny eyes?

    yeah the hag succubus is particularly hilarious, and the golden-cloaked see-through figure. The thing that really got me was the headless puppy, though, oh and of course the centaur creature. Again this smacks of a writer thinking "hmm poltergeists aren't scary enough let's have the family menaced by an ANTHROPOMORPHIC HORSE DEMON - wooooh!"

    Not making any of this up - it's all in there. The book is so badly written it's hilarious. My favourite bit is when they're setting the scene with the family and going on about non-iron shirts that need to be given an iron anyway! Sheesh.
     
  5. MagusPerde

    MagusPerde Phantom

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    succubilingual

    Well, no, but I have fallen asleep that way.

    I'd forgotten some of those things. I really wish I could get a copy of this book but I think it's out of print. I checked it out from the library years ago. It really is hilarious. I'm into that.
     
  6. MagusPerde

    MagusPerde Phantom

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    Smurl berry cobbler

    Oh yeah, I forgot to mention my theory that it was probably Gargamel behind the whole thing--He's been after those Smurls for years!
     
  7. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    I have a copy at home and keep meaning to dig it out for the edification of the MB but have a tiny brain and am very forgetful. I'll try and bring it into work next week.
     
  8. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    Right then. The book is called "The Haunting" and written by Robert Curran - it's published by Futura, risibly categorised as "non-fiction", and the ISBN number is 0-7088-4221-6. The strapline reads: "THIS IS A TRUE STORY. And it is shocking, terrifying and unforgettable." Shyeah right.

    The scene is set by the author, who introduces the characters of Jack and Janet Smurl by describing in detail what they like for dinner and how they feed their kids. "One thing about the Smurls, [Janet] thought to herself; you didn't have to worry about the fancy dishes. The Smurl family liked a meal made up of the basics - meat, potatoes, vegetables. Such food not only tasted good, it was also the easiest way for Janet to make sure that her family got essential vitamins and nutrients." Well, thanks for that. Janet apparently also wonders "if it was illegal to sniff the big red plastic bottle of Era Plus, her laundry detergent of choice and one that she found pleasant to smell". Between this and her fondness for non-iron shirts, we really get to grips with what makes this character tick.

    Hubby, apparently, just looks like Charles Bronson and has "big fists". There is a preoccupation with food - every exorcism by the Warrens (who are truly unforgettable) starts with a description with what they had for breakfast, with Janet's deteriorating mental state manifesting itself in the fact that she can't muster up anything more exciting than sausage and pancakes. Anyway, the kids are sporty, the house lovely, and the parents who live in the annexe devoted Christians not prone to flights of fancy.

    Manifestation of the spirit starts to occur in a fairly standard fashion; stains on the carpets, names being called, paintwork being ruined, a smaller child witnessing apparitions. Then things take a turn for the weird when sightings of a black shape which emits and evil presence appears in the house, and a headless puppy scampers across the carpet and disappears under the love-seat. At this point Ed and Lorraine are called in - following the family's failure to find advice in the parapsychology departments of local university, goddamn those fusty pencilnecked professors! - and decide that the place is the stomping-ground of a demon which - surprise surprise - then starts to appear with increasing regularity to the Smurls, although usually individually. Jack is attacked by a succubus in bed, breaking his paralysis to discover that he is covered in a sticky white substance (!). His sleeping wife doesn't notice. They see big horsey and piggish demons, the women are attacked in the shower, foul smells appear and each of the members of the family are attacked by invisible entities. Eventually they all go on TV to talk about it and, following about fifteen exorcisms, the spirit almost goes away. The problem is finally remedied several years later when the family move out of the house *slaps forehead in desperation*.

    This book proudly states that one of the main characters - "apprentice demonologist" David Wilson - is completely made up. It is remarkably heavy-handed on the religion side of things and does none of the characters featured any favours. It appears to have been written by whoever put Our Tune together for Radio 1 back in the day - the narrative is shockingly bad and extremely bizarre, and the chapter headings are hilarious ("Lorraine Shares Some Disturbing Facts" being my particular favourite). It is a shameless cash-in on the Amityville Horror and I urge you all to read it, if only to have a good laugh. It takes about three hours to finish. You can get it on Amazon for about a fiver.

    Matt
     
  9. MagusPerde

    MagusPerde Phantom

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    "We've got to leave the warren, Hazel"

    Well, you're lucky then. 'Cause here in America it's unavailable, even through Amazon.

    That was a great review, though, and I also urge everyone to read it.
     
  10. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    I'm so sorry, I read the subject as "Smurf poltergeist" & was waiting for terrifying stories of genitalia free hauntings by the wee blue fella's. Mind you, turns out that the actual thread is even more hilarious!
     
  11. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    why just last night...
     
  12. MagusPerde

    MagusPerde Phantom

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    More fun with the Warrens

    Oh man, I just struck gold. I got a copy of an old book ('80s or thereabouts) about Ed & Lorraine, called Ghost Hunters. Man, is it entertainment and a half. I'll have to find some good quotes and share them. It's all about their adventures with ghosts, demons, and even Bigfoot! (That one's a real kicker!)
     
  13. CuriousIdent

    CuriousIdent Not yet SO old Great Old One

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    Well, this certainly does sound like Haunted House Bingo, doesn't it. Everything from furnishing damage, to hybrid demonic animals, to ghostly sexual attacks...

    I came across this thread whilst searching into Ed and Lorraine Warren, in relation to their all-but-nonexistent yet-made-into-a-movie connection to the Enfield Poltergeist.

    What gets me here is the very specific identifying of 4 separate entities plaguing the property. Why four? And how exactly are they identifying that? :rolleyes:

    There just sounds like too much unverified nonsense here to see any proof of a genuine case here.
     
  14. Heckler20

    Heckler20 The unspeakable mass

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    Indeed the lift a rock and find a demon Warrens.

    Not even a scary old house in this one, this was a recently built duplex that for some reason becomes the epicentre of a full on demonic manifestation.

    The Warren's suggested reason for this, 'The Smurls are both pious and good people'. So there you have it folks, live an impious and slatternly life and you'll not be visited by demons in your duplex.
     
  15. CuriousIdent

    CuriousIdent Not yet SO old Great Old One

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    Clearly! The more heathen, the better off you are...
     
  16. Coal

    Coal Gone full 'folk festival'

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    Live a pious and good life and all those repressed emotions will return to haunt thee...
     
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  17. Vardoger

    Vardoger Skeptical by nature

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    Being a rational guy, I'm having difficulty understanding why an entity in another dimension should care about prayers and holy water being thrown in this dimension. Perhaps you need to be catholic to understand that rationale.

    I'm all for the possibility that there might be another dimension where entities exist and sometimes becomes noticeable in this dimension, otherwise I wouldn't call myself a fortean. I'm looking through all those illegally uploaded ghost hunter shows on Youtube to understand the phenomenon.
     
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  18. EnolaGaia

    EnolaGaia I knew the job was dangerous when I took it ...

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    I don't think the rationale is peculiar to Catholics.

    My quick-take explanation would be that any true believer in a cosmically-totalizing narrative (religious or not) would be biased toward describing and framing the unknown in terms of his / her operant worldview. It doesn't matter whether you're hand-waving in terms of demons / jinn / fairies or quantum effects / dark matter or energy - you're still hand-waving within the framework in which you are most personally invested and conversant.
     
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  19. Mythopoeika

    Mythopoeika I am a meat popsicle

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    The entities are all atheists.
    They're irritated by mumbo-jumbo.
     
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  20. oldrover

    oldrover Justified and Ancient

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    Wasn't this the one where they hired in the writer whose name I should, but never can, remember, who told everyone it was all bollocks but was under contract to the Warrens to publish their version? Or is this another of the people they helped?
     

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