My iPad Just 'Spoke' To Me

Discussion in 'It Happened To Me!' started by Arawn_ap_Annwn, May 30, 2016.

  1. Spudrick68

    Spudrick68 Justified & Ancient

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    Most of our data, I think, has been mined years ago. But I too will not have Alexa or any other of that type of device. I use a tablet but not a laptop so haven't got a webcam to cover up. There isn't one on the desktop PC either as we have no need for one.
     
  2. David Plankton

    David Plankton Antediluvian

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    I thought they had cameras built in. I’ve certainly seen people taking photos with them.
     
  3. Ermintruder

    Ermintruder Existential pixelfixer

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    On a related note: my Google Home Mini is becoming an utter & complete pain in the a$$. I'd mentioned earlier that it spontaneously started addressing me by my first name (which is ok, but...)

    Now, it keeps going through a stupid random sequence of foreign-language phrases training, if I want to ask it any questions. For example, I found it useful (if I'm woken up at night, for whatever reason) to be able to just simply ask it the time. I mean, simply treat it as an on-demand speaking clock. This used to work well, for me, in that this avoiding opening my eyes to look at a watch/clock, and tended to get me back to sleep faster.

    Original effective conversations were as follows:

    Hey Google, Hey Google
    Hi __________ how can I help?
    What time is it?
    The time is two thirty-five AM

    Now THIS is what happens:

    Hey Google, Hey Google
    Ola! That's Spanish for hello! What can I do for you?
    What time is it?
    (Silence)
    What time is it?!!
    (Silence)
    Hey Google, Hey Google!!!
    Konnichiwa! That's Japanese for hello! What can I do for you?
    What time is it?!!!!
    (Silence)
    What time is it?!!!!!!!!!
    (Silence)
    (Silence)

    Hey Google, Hey Google!!!!!!!!!!
    Hi __________ how can I help?
    What time is it?!!!!!!
    The time is four thirty-seven AM!

    (I then want to swear at the damn thing so much, knowing what time it is, is the least of my problems!!)
     
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2018
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  4. David Plankton

    David Plankton Antediluvian

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    Shirley?
     
  5. Ermintruder

    Ermintruder Existential pixelfixer

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    Shirley not.

    I had previously been relating the uneasy Master & Servant relationship between me (its liege lord) and It (a grey plastic jelly donut wrapped in a sock) over on the FT Robot Round-up thread but the earlier technical advice offered to me by @Coal rings ever-truer as time goes on:

    However, I wouldn't do that to a real person- it seems a bit defeatist to do that to a genetically-modified woopie cushion that thinks it's got a future in stand-up.

    Am I the only owner of one of these damn things?

    Perhaps it needs another one in the house to talk to. Then it can be a proper blend between a smoke detector, a tribble and a Furby.
     
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  6. David Plankton

    David Plankton Antediluvian

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    Have you got the Scottish Accent App installed?

     
  7. Ermintruder

    Ermintruder Existential pixelfixer

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    My Scots burrr is sanded-down by necessity, due to decades of interaction with cloth-eared contact centre zombies and London cab-drivers. It only becomes vocally-affective after five drams o' whiskey.
     
  8. Mythopoeika

    Mythopoeika I am a meat popsicle

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    :rollingw::rollingw::rollingw:
     
  9. Spudrick68

    Spudrick68 Justified & Ancient

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    David Plankton - yes the tablet has a camera on it. Hopefully that will stay safe.
     
  10. Ermintruder

    Ermintruder Existential pixelfixer

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    Self-adhesive rubber foot, affixed to the CCTV spyhole on said device
    [​IMG]
    Has the added advantage of protecting the screen against some tip-forwards smash-ups.

    No camera can see through 4mm of black rubber. Unless it's Kirilian, X-Ray or toy.
     
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  11. ShadyCavalier

    ShadyCavalier Junior Acolyte

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    Why does your television have a camera on It???
     
  12. CuriousIdent

    CuriousIdent Not yet SO old Great Old One

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    I too primarily use a Tablet these days. Usually with a small blob of blu-tac over the front facing lens, and the case blocking the rear facing one...

    I appreciate that that probably sounds a little paranoid, but if I want/need to take a photo I can always clear the path for them again.



    That would be supremely annoying. It's like it's withholding telling you the time until after it indulges you in some kind of basic trivia.



    Man I love that sketch. Not seen it in a while. :)
     
  13. Ermintruder

    Ermintruder Existential pixelfixer

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    Precisely. Also, it appears to log everything it says back to you, in a text file (which is readable via the unavoidable Google Personal Assistant app).

    Not sure if it creates a 'court report' of what it thinks you've said, but I have an old-school squeamishness about telling anything to go f*** itself, if that request is actually likely to be recorded as an html textfile.

    Surely there are some fellow sufferers here in FTMB? Or are you lot either Alexa/Ecodot or sensible?
     
  14. Mythopoeika

    Mythopoeika I am a meat popsicle

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    If you have Windows 10, don't forget to disable Cortana.
     
  15. Ermintruder

    Ermintruder Existential pixelfixer

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    Myth, if that was addressed to me, I'm using Android Lollipop 5.0.2, which doesn't currently have Cortana (I didn't actually know that Cortana was a Virtual Assistant option for OSs other than Windows, but it seems I was wrong https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cortana).... notably not Apple (what's that called now, OSXI Snow Leopard Pterodactyl?)

    EDIT "macOS High Sierra"....no, I would not have guessed that.
     
  16. Dotty

    Dotty Junior Acolyte

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    Well it might just be a bump in the plastic, who knows? Anyway it’s taped over and I tell the tv to ‘**** ***’ every couple of days.
     
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  17. Mythopoeika

    Mythopoeika I am a meat popsicle

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    I was just making a general statement, not addressing you in particular. I thought Cortana was Win 10 only.
     
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  18. Dr_Baltar

    Dr_Baltar Left Foot of God

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    Your Scots spelling also appears to have been sanded down. Whisky with an 'e'?!
     
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  19. Ermintruder

    Ermintruder Existential pixelfixer

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    REALITY1 - I now need to report back to the High Commander that my fake identity has been compromised...Nanu Nanu, beam me up, Jim!

    REALITY2 - Too much Jim Beam, dram it!

    REALITY3 - I typed this whilst at the gym, and I'd lost my keys earlier on in the evening, at the pub, drinking in the Troll's Head

    Only one of these realities might be untrue. But not unreal. Really.
     
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  20. ShadyCavalier

    ShadyCavalier Junior Acolyte

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    I can see why your username is "Dotty"...
     
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  21. Ermintruder

    Ermintruder Existential pixelfixer

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    Is that via the camera?[/QUOTE]
     
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  22. Ibis

    Ibis Life is like a box of paints.

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    Maybe it can't figure out what time zone it's in.

    Why would you watch television when you can waste time on the forums? Reading threads like this one is so much more amusing and thought provoking! :hapdan:
     
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  23. Ermintruder

    Ermintruder Existential pixelfixer

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    No, it's a frequency-of-use effect. The damn thing now says, sarcastically
    Welcome back!
    ...after maybe 12hrs of non-use. I think it needs a playmate. Which it's not getting.

    ps I wonder if it's reading this post?

    pps If it locks the doors to my cell, can one of you send me a daily pizza from now until the Resistance retakes the Citadel. This may be my last transmis
     
    Last edited: Mar 15, 2018
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