James Randi: Anal investigator? http://web.archive.org/web/20010526180722/http://www.geocities.com/randiexpert2001/ "Do you blow? How many inches have you got?" Though he goes by the cover name "Donald", the voice is unmistakably Randi's, the same one just heard in a snippet from a conversation he's had with mathematician Martin Gardner. The only difference is vocal tone, which reveals a fruity, lust-soaked fervor. On the other end is a obviously young male, though, at 6'1" and 180 ("There's a lot to feel" is how the teen puts it) he certainly is biologically equipped for Randi's sexual satisfaction. Unfortunately, it is 3:20 and the juvenile needs to be home by 5 PM. Being strapped for time doesn't stop Randi, of course, who romantically suggests, "What if I drive you around in the car, can you do a blow job on me?" The boy agrees, provided Randi returns the favor, but the ever stingy magician makes no such promise. Still, there is a happy ending to this tale: Randi and the teen agree to meet at the Boardwalk for a quickie. This is merely the first of many adventures with young males Randi has over the phone. Sometimes an element of drama is added, as with "Larry," his next caller for perverted pleasures. Randi has never met him, but tells him cryptically "I know of you." The trouble is, Larry (who claims to be 17) has stopped doing things involving grown men's cocks, because, as he informs Randi, "The cops are watching." This hardly deters our randy Randi, who boasts, "My place is pretty safe. I've got some money and the stuff you like to see, I am sure." Lured by Randi's reassurance, not to mention Randi's immense photo collection of young men and Japanese porn, Larry agrees to meet for lewdness on Wednesday. Randi makes one request of little Larry: that he deprive himself from jerking off until their date, "so we'll have a good time." Larry agrees to save his sperm supply up for Randi, and one is left to imagine what good times the two share with the stored up scum that, presumably, ends up splattered over the magician. Another boy cuts to the chase real quick: after exchanging greetings, he announces to Randi, "I want your dick." "Mmm," Randi replies, then asks what the teen wants to do with his penis. "Suck it," the boy responds with a touch of desperation. "Sounds interesting," Randi says, his own desperation almost betraying his understatement. The boy (who claims to be 6'1", 170 and 17) then asks, "What do you do?" "Let people suck it," is Randi's response. The boy then asks, "You do anything?" The ever clever Randi quips, "It depends on who it is." They arrange a meeting for the following night, where the teen can suck Randi off, and the adolescent asks the magician if he knows any girls they can fuck. Unfortunately, Randi doesn't appear to swing that way, and quickly changes topic, but their deep throat date is cemented nonetheless. Then there's the caller who claims (dubiously) to be 18, with stats of 5'9", 130-140 pounds and a seven inch schlong. Randi tries to lure the young male into a gay orgy, one which includes himself and two others ages 16 and 17. The caller asks, "Do you blow?" "Sure," Randi responds, "is that what you like?" Soon, it appears that that the teen wants some hot phone sex, but the ever materialistic Randi wants the real thing. "There is no point in just talking about it," Randi huffs, then later adds, "I am never going to say it on the phone and jerk you off. You are not going to help me out at all, that's no good." The young male prods further, and Randi promises that they will "Jerk off, and suck and fuck, or something like that." Randi mentions having pictures of the two teens and other conquests, then gripes some more for concrete gratification: "So when the hell do we get together?" He adds, "My telephone bill will cost me a fortune just sitting on the phone talking about it. Talking about it is no good. Why don't I get together with you and do the whole thing?" He also makes one final request: "Will you let me take pictures of you?" Listened in whole, one has to admire Randi's brashness at risking sexual fulfillment that could ultimately jail him, especially when he has an admitted picture collection of underage males in the buff. Even more impressive is the amount of deceit he uses to lure his potential bed notches into sexual shenanigans. When asked how old he was, Randi replied 30 to one boy and 32 to another: the tapes first surfaced in the early nineties, and Randi was born in 1928. He lists his height as 5'7" or 5'8" and weight from 145-150 pounds: by all accounts, the squat-like Randi is much shorter than that. Most interesting is his frequent boasting of having "9 1/2 inches" waiting to strike like a serpent in his pants. Needless to say, considering his record of deception, this should be assumed to be a MAJOR exaggeration. One question remains about Iron Rod Randi's phone sexcapades: just how did the tapes come about in the first place? At first, Randi whined that he was a victim of a vast conspiracy, that paranormal promoters, tired of him exposing their fraudulence, manufactured a fake tape to unfairly smear the noble, upright Randi who, of course, would never even dream about having sex with young men for pleasure. Randi would later come up with a more novel explanation: apparently, tired of having boys - overwhelmed with lust over his sensual persona and huge donkey dick - call him up and harass him for perverted satisfaction, he made the tape himself at the request of local police to help prosecute vicious young predators of poor oppressed Randi. Of course, as Randi is often fond of saying himself, "Extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof." If Randi did make the tape for the local pigs, it became worthless of any legal merit via Randi's frequent attempts to talk the teens into meeting with him. (Apparently, Randi doesn't understand the meaning of the word "entrapment".) What's more, one caller states that he got Randi's number off the wall at a public bathroom. If Randi was truly interested in stopping his supposed abuse, he could have easily uncovered where the number was and have it removed. The most likely explanation for the tape is one Randi has yet to make: that it was illegally made by enemies tired of his mean-spirited tactics. While this explanation makes Randi an almost sympathetic victim if it's the answer, the reason he's never offered the most logical reason behind the tape is that it requires him to concede that he was engaged in criminal behavior himself. ==================================== Does anyone believe this? - I did crack up to see him called 'Iron Rod Randi'.