Humour & Jokes

Discussion in 'Chat' started by rynner2, Dec 31, 2007.

Do you have a GSOH?

  1. Yes

    26 vote(s)
    45.6%
  2. Sometimes

    9 vote(s)
    15.8%
  3. No

    7 vote(s)
    12.3%
  4. What's a GSOH?

    15 vote(s)
    26.3%
  1. Swifty

    Swifty Generation Y

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    A teacher asks her pupils to discuss what their dads do for a living.

    Little Mary says: "My Dad is a lawyer. He puts bad people in jail."

    Little Jack says: "My Dad is a doctor. He makes all the sick people better."

    All the kids in the class have their turn except little Johnny. The teacher says: "Johnny, what does your Dad do?" Johnny says: "My Dad is dead." "Oh.....I'm sorry to hear that, but what did he do before he died?" "He went, "Urrrrgghh...arrrghh...and then he shit himself...."
     
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  2. Bigphoot2

    Bigphoot2 Carbon Based Infestation

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  3. Swifty

    Swifty Generation Y

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    Stewart Lee - internet comments NSFW

    Those who like him will laugh. Those who hate him will agree with the comments. WIN WIN.

     
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  4. Bigphoot2

    Bigphoot2 Carbon Based Infestation

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  5. Coal

    Coal Polymath Renaissance Man

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    WTF?
     
  6. Mythopoeika

    Mythopoeika I am a meat popsicle

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    LOCATION:
    Inside a starship, watching puny humans from afar
    What did they want?

    They didn't say!
     
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  7. kamalktk

    kamalktk Justified & Ancient

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    Steven Segull's new bride just wishes she died first.
     
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  8. Yithian

    Yithian Cosh & Carry Staff Member

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    WEBSITE:
    http://petergreenaway.org.uk/drowning.htm
    Yesterday I saw a man trying to chat up a cheetah.

    I think he was trying to pull a fast one.
     
  9. Bigphoot2

    Bigphoot2 Carbon Based Infestation

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    A woman goes to buy a parrot and the shop owner tells her, "We've got 3 for sale, Male African Grey for £300, Norwegian Blue for £250 and this Red one for £30."
    "Why is the red one so cheap?" asks the woman?
    "Well, he used to live in a brothel and uses a lot of foul language" says the owner.
    The woman thinks this is funny and decides to buy the Red. When she gets it home and takes the cover off the cage the parrot says "F*** me a new brothel!"
    The woman laughs.
    The parrot then sees the woman and says "F*** me a new madam!"
    The woman laughs again.
    A bit later the woman's two daughters come home and the parrot says "F*** me new girls!"
    They all laugh.
    Later that evening they are waiting to see what the parrot will say when the husband comes in. The husband comes home, the parrot cocks his head and looks at him and says "F*** me Ron, not you again!"
     
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  10. kamalktk

    kamalktk Justified & Ancient

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  11. maximus otter

    maximus otter Recovering policeman

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    LOCATION:
    You don't have the "Need to Know"
  12. Swifty

    Swifty Generation Y

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    The Loophole - Garfunkel & Oats NSFW aka f**k me in the ass if you love Jesus



    .. watching TV a couple of days ago, a bank advert (I think it was Barclays?) ripped these two off btw ..
     
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2018
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  13. Bigphoot2

    Bigphoot2 Carbon Based Infestation

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  14. Swifty

    Swifty Generation Y

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    There once was a boy from Peru
    Whose limericks stopped at line two.
     
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  15. Bigphoot2

    Bigphoot2 Carbon Based Infestation

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    My girlfriend’s cat died recently, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one. She was livid. She said, ‘What am I going to do with two dead cats?'
     
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  16. Yithian

    Yithian Cosh & Carry Staff Member

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    WEBSITE:
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    I finally figured out that my parents preferred my twin brother over me.

    It first struck me when they made me blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.
     
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  17. RaM

    RaM Justified & Ancient

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    This goes to prove my avatar is right sh1t really does happen
    the boss is only laughing as she doesn't have to clean the poor beast.


     
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  18. Bigphoot2

    Bigphoot2 Carbon Based Infestation

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  19. Swifty

    Swifty Generation Y

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    Told my girlfriend that Mum is deaf so to speak loud and slow.

    Told my Mum that my new girlfriend is a mental.
     
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  20. Yithian

    Yithian Cosh & Carry Staff Member

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    WEBSITE:
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    There was a serious incident on the M25 today: A lorry carrying pool and snooker equipment overturned and spilt its load.

    According to the latest reports the driver is under a rest and the cues go back miles.
     
  21. Swifty

    Swifty Generation Y

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    On The Hour Season 1-Ep1

     
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  22. Bigphoot2

    Bigphoot2 Carbon Based Infestation

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  23. Bigphoot2

    Bigphoot2 Carbon Based Infestation

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  24. kamalktk

    kamalktk Justified & Ancient

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    After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, “That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home. I want to stay with you guys.”
     
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  25. Coal

    Coal Polymath Renaissance Man

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    Blondes?
     
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  26. Bigphoot2

    Bigphoot2 Carbon Based Infestation

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    I'll never join one of those online dating services. I prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way.
    Through alcohol and poor judgement.
     
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  27. dreeness .

    dreeness . Justified & Ancient

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    There was another serious incident on the M25 today.
    A lorry carrying 5 tons of human hair to a wig factory overturned and spilt its load.

    Police are combing the area.
     
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  28. dreeness .

    dreeness . Justified & Ancient

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  29. Bigphoot2

    Bigphoot2 Carbon Based Infestation

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  30. Bigphoot2

    Bigphoot2 Carbon Based Infestation

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