Discussion in 'Chat' started by rynner2, Dec 31, 2007.
OMG, you are bold. You're lucky you're not under the doghouse.
The Only Thing Flat-Earthers Fear...Is Sphere Itself.
I must not fear Sphere. Sphere is the mind-killer.
Sphere is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my Sphere.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the Sphere has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
Steven Pinker elicits some polite chuckles:
I have literally spent the last half an hour watching his videos and chuckling to myself.
Another Tim Vine one from his Radio 4 show:
He saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg and told him, "I bet I know what your favourite seasonal holiday is." And Schwarzenegger replied, "You have to love Easter, baby!"
Why's the fictional reader that Steven Pinker uses as an example 'Her' & 'She'? ... is he somehow suggesting that women can read ? ... joking aside though, I'm off to my Masculinist meeting in a minute ... (funny and well observed stuff)
I hope you've got permission from Mrs Swifty
Shh .. she might hear us man ! .
Someone keeps leaving piles of plasticine on my doorstep. I don't know what to make of it.
Could be that Morph needs to see a proctologist.
I hate it when people get simple sayings wrong.
I mean its not rocket surgery.
Well, what are ya gonna do?
I went to A&E this morning and said to the nurse "I've been stung by a wasp, have you got anything for it?" .. she said "Where is it?" .. I said I don't know, it'll be miles away by now."
A man received the following text from his neighbour:
" I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night, when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again."
The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.
A few moments later, a second text came in: "Damn the autocorrect. I meant "wifi", not "wife"
A New Metal has been added to Chemistry
Atomic mass: Light when first found... tends to get heavier with time.
- Boils at any time
- Can freeze at any time
- Melts if treated with love
- Very Bitter if Mishandled
- Very Reactive
- Highly Unstable
- Possesses Strong Affinity towards Gold, Silver, Diamond, Platinum, Credit cards, Debit cards & Cheque books
- Money Reducing Agent
Mostly found in front of the Mirror.
It's highly flammable when mixed with in-laws.
It has mixed properties when seated with parents.
Woe unto you if she sees you with any element similar to itself!
Please circulate to all "scientists"
Ok ladies your challenge is: write a similar one for the element 'man'.
In the interests of 'science'.
And now, before the sex war breaks out in earnest, everybody's favourite...
That is soooo ancient!
There were ones going round a few years ago on the same theme but about women as computer programs. ('Girlfriend 1 and Girlfriend 2 appear incompatible but can both be run with care. However, Girlfriend 1 will crash and cause severe damage if it clashes with Girlfriend 2.')
I wrote what I thought was a brilliant one and sent it to a PC magazine but they weren't interested. Can't remember how it went, something along the lines of 'Boyfriend 3 may be upgraded to Husband 1 provided service packs are applied regularly, such as Golf, Beer and Sofa. In time, Husband 1 may start running sluggishly and become less productive. Warning: if this occurs, DO NOT install the 'Nagging' add-on as it may cause Husband 1 to stop altogether. etc'
So am I (according to my niece)
I cannot lie to you Skargy, that's freakishly accurate to me and the Mrs ...
As Ali G reminded us: did not Winston Churchill once say "We gotta fight dem bitches".
Not my words...the words of Winston Churchill.
Wish I could find the original! Techy laughed his head off at the time.
I could do an update. Y'know, 'If Husband 1 is infected with the Male Midlife Crisis virus, it will malfunction and display attributes such as Combover, Sports Car or Wandering Eye. This problem may be averted if the built-in proactive fixes 'Gym Membership' and possibly 'Mamil' are activated.'
Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.
You can't tell me that's just a coincidence.
Separate names with a comma.